Self-righteousness: Main Kyu Sunu Kisi Ki

“Main Kyu Sunu Mishra Ki, Main Kisi Nahi Sunta” (Why do I give any reason to Mishra (my father’s boss) to lecture me, when I don’t listen to anyone), said my father when I suggested him to take a day off from work after he damaged the recovery of his long-standing muscle tear condition once again.

After he left for office, I went into analyzing, understanding, and seeking an explanation for his this behavior, something that made me wonder about what I had not been thinking all those years in my relationship with him, i.e., he doesn’t like to be told, preached or questioned by anyone – an attitude that takes away from a man to reason with logic, and lead him to a false sense of self-righteousness. 

That has been the whole problem in our relationship as father-son that is he is not willing to debate on the nuances of any position or decision taken in any argument.

So this article is an attempt to dwell upon how we can live in peace with a man like that?

To begin with, a self-righteous person comes from a mindset, where he thinks he is more intelligent, more wise, and more fair to anyone present in the room. As a result, the other people don’t have any right to tell, preach or question them.

Now an attitude like that can be shaped by certain incidents happened in the person’s life at a tender age that stayed with him in his sub-consciousness, which he could never question or put to test. Nevertheless, he forms opinions about people, or situations, especially when their perspectives are well-informed. But when it comes to supporting self-righteous people, they are interested only to the degree that others support their image of rightness.

And when a self-righteous person is actually out-ranked, outsmarted, or outclassed, he usually shuts down and doesn’t know what to do.

Now, to answer the question as to how would you change a self-righteous man, the answer is you can’t. Well, at least until the time the person wants to change. Now, what you can do with a person like that is that regardless of their attitude –  

• Recognize and appreciate when they have a good point;
• Focus on the task at hand and ignore the self-righteousness;
• Accept their efficacy in the team, reject the bad ideas and move on and;
• Do not be intimidated or annoyed.